Pop Culture Gods

Over the years a numerous amount of psychic energy has been created and this energy has turned media ideas and images into a pantheon. These gods aren't the real deal, more the media image of them. Feel free to create your own mythology around them.


 

Some Popular Gods;

Bruce - God of YeeAh fighting. Yes, that Bruce Lee. Popular among Kung Fu devotees, followers of Bruce defend others with their cool Kung Fu moves. Bruce Lee is the most devastating killing maniac that ever roamed cinema. Also he is Asian, which makes his kicking abilities rise a total of over 100,000%. Bruce Lee has the amazing ability to regenerate and somehow make a million dollars no matter how corny and laughable his loud fighting screams are when he's beating the shit out of unconvincing yet quite lovable eye-patch wearing American allies. And he's coming for YOU next! Lee is the only known person to have beaten Chuck Norris and to have made him cry.

 

Chuck - God of ass kicking. The neglect of his often-working father led the young Chuck Noriss to take up martial arts, and he found he was a natural at it. Some would say supernatural. Upon reaching adulthood he relocated to some random town in Kansas to "kick the shit out of some skeet." He then entered into karate tournaments in an attempt to garner income, and won several karate tournaments consecutively, though the other contestants did not survive. This attitude led him to create his own form of martial arts called Kik Uras. Chuck claimed he could easily beat up any Asian that came around the place until he got the tar beaten out of him by Bruce Lee. Humiliated he then sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in
the nuts and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. He then landed the lead role of Walker Texas Ranger but fefore each filming he had to be injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This was to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. To this day Walker holds the world record for most fatal accidents during a single season, most caused by severe head trauma. He also started his own business whose chief export is pain. When customers started complaining Chuck Norris said "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicked them all in the face. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Since ascending to godhood Chuck has visited various planets in the solar systems; that's why there are no signs of life anymore.

 

Cthulhu - God of whatever he damn well likes. Popular among gamers, Cthulhu encourages his minions to screw with peoples minds whenever possible. He is far more fond of psychological damage than physical damage. Unfortunately a media disconnect has happened and rather than the horrific visage that Cthulhu was supposed to have he instead appears as a soft plush Cthulhu toy to his followers. Cthulhu performed relatively well in his early schooling, achieving good marks in most subjects especially surprising his geometry teachers. Fellow students would often tease the young Cthulhu. These students would soon find themselves plagued by dreams of non-euclidean angles and eldritch titans from beyond sanity. All but one of these children took their own lives; and the final one was hit by a bus before he had a chance. Cthulhu himself went on to university where he completed a fine arts degree in ancient civilizations, mythology and archaeology. His marks were exemplary with reviewers often commenting his knowledge exceeded that of modern science as if he were present for the events. When approached on the issue Cthulhu himself asserts he was asleep in R'lyeh at the time. Cthulhu completed his PhD entitled the Great Old Ones and Feminist Theory for which he received numerous accolades but unfortunately he ate his faculty advisor and for some mysterious reason was unable to find anyone willing to take her place. Thus he was unable to graduate. The university in question burnt to the ground soon after.

 

The Easter Bunny - God of children, rabbits and eggs. The Easter Bunny leaves baskets of treats (including Easter eggs and assorted chocolates) on Easter morning for good children. Sometimes children leave out carrots for him, and god help anyone who doesn't.. The Bunny and Santa are sworn enemies.

 

Elvis - God of grooviness. Yes, over the years Elvis has gotten so much attention that the media image of him has gained deific powers. Followers report seeing him in his gaudy Las Vegas clothing. Oh yeah!

 

Godzilla - God of chaos and change. Godzilla followers are urged to cause destruction for its own sake but also to fight and defend their home towns against even worse threats. After a nuke was detonated in his family's house Godzilla made a promise to have his revenge on humankind. Naturally, this revenge would take the form of me constantly attacking the same four major Japanese cities, while leaving the rest of the world completely unharmed. However, if space aliens or another, more evil monster were to surface, Godzilla would defend human kind from said threat, so that later, he could continue destroying humankind, even after just saving them. Yes, I know, the whole thingís very complicated.

 

Marilyn - Goddess of Sex. "I'm not interested in money. I just want to be wonderful." Followers of Marilyn Monroe have to be the centre of attention and value their sexuality above all else. Marilyn is sexier than anyone youíve ever met in 3D. She parlayed sexiness into a career. Cue cards for every shot? Forty-one takes for a single scene where all Marilyn does is answer the front door and sign for a package? Acting at its best.
Marilyn became aware of her sexiness after junior high school. She noticed that the elapsed time between when men looked at her face and then to her bosom was getting shorter and shorter. She also noticed that whenever she left her panties at home and climbed trees that all the boys would give her their lunch money--teachers, principal, and school bus driver included. It didnít matter that she didnít finish the eighth grade, men were not listening to what she was saying anyway. In 1959, the United States Census Bureau estimated that at any given moment sixteen thousand males were thinking about her while putting the Kleenex kids through college. There has been much speculation on why Monroe was considered to be so attractive. Her secret was always seeming and talking like she was just about to have an orgasm, as if every man watching her could tip her over the edge at any moment they chose.

 

Santa Claus - God of children and toys. Santa Claus is a kindly, round-bellied, merry, bespectacled man in a red suit trimmed with white fur with a long white beard. On Christmas Eve he rides in his flying sleigh lifted by reindeer from house to house to give presents to children. To get inside the house, he teleports down the chimney and lands in the fireplace. During the rest of the year he lives together with his wife Mrs. Claus and his slaves.. I mean Elves who serve as his toy production staff. His home is the North Pole. Santa and the Easter Bunny are sworn enemies.

 

 

Pantheons Index